A new study says moms should be the caregivers, dad the playmates.
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The study found couples who let mom be the caregiver and dad be the playmate had a better co-parenting relationship than couples who shared in the responsibilities. This was especially true for parents with boys this age vs. households with girls.
I have a four-year-old son, which means the study suggests I should let dad get to have all the fun while I handle baths, meals and the middle of the night wake-up calls from bad dreams. Dad can hang out with the kids when it's time to play cars and color pictures. Let me tell you, that would not work in our house.
As much as I love being a mom and taking care of my kids, I would go bonkers if my husband didn't pitch in to help with the caregiver tasks. Just last night, he finished bathing our four year old as I got our two month old dressed for bed.
He then made dinner for our son and sat with him at the table until he was finished eating. When it was bedtime, I got our son ready for bed. My husband and I said our prayers with him and tucked him in. Together.
As a stay-at-home mom, being a caregiver and a playmate mainly shifts to my side of the plate. But I'm very happy when my husband helps out.
My stress meter would probably explode if I was the sole tantrum-tamer, carrying a baby in one arm while raising a boundary-pushing preschooler, all while trying to maintain the continuity of the day with baths and meals. Then dad shows up just for playtime and gets to be the fun parent? That's not for us!
But what works in your house? Do you and your spouse share the responsibilities as caregivers and playmates or do the study's findings speak more directly to you?
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When my kids were young I took care of things at home as best as I could–my husband held two jobs and wore himself out just keeping the money coming in. He did take on the “homework” responsibilities and putting the kids to bed. I figured it was a partnership, the two of us working together to keep the homefront together. Now that the kids are raised he only works one job. He enjoys helping out at home and with the grandkids and I just appreciate any help that comes my way. As far as being a playmate–we both played with the children but in different ways, both were beneficial for the children. I think it’s best if everybody forgets about who’s doing what and we all give 100% to serving each other as parents, siblings, and grandparents.
Totally agree with you and Kaye. I have always learned that each spouse should give %100, and for my husband and I that has worked. I do end up doing most of the caregiving most of the time, since I’m at home and he’s at work, but I really appreciate it when he is able to help out. He tries really hard to do so. I will admit though, that he is the kids’ favorite playmate.