Correcting Behavior in a Child Who Won't Listen

As a parent, it's frustrating when your child appears not to listen, or worse yet, seems to outright ignore you. You may wonder what you're doing wrong. But the truth is there are several reasons why kids don't listen—including that they simply haven't developed the skill yet.

Here, we break down reasons why kids might ignore you. We also give a few strategies for disciplining a child who won't listen, plus tips for encouraging the development of listening capabilities.

Why Children Don't Listen

Parents often view listening behaviors in terms of respect: "If my child won't listen and pay attention, it's a sign of disrespect." Truth be told, though, failing to listen can sometimes be a normal stage of development as kids learn proper social behaviors.

Here are other reasons why kids don't listen:

• Your messages are too long for a child's attention span.
• You're coming off as critical or complaining.
• The messages are complicated or inconsistent.
• Your child has hearing loss, an auditory processing disorder, or a mental health issue.
• Your child deliberately misbehaves to see how parents and caregivers react, which is normal during toddlerhood.

Despite knowing that a child's inability to listen is most likely developmental, it still can be unnerving when you feel like playtime, the television, or video games are more important than what you have to say.

How to Get Kids to Listen

Getting a reluctant child to listen can seem overwhelming at times, but it's important to be patient and consistent in your approach. Listening skills take time to develop, especially for young children. To help your child become a better listener, try the strategies below.

Pick the best times

Parents often want children to listen immediately, but kids get distracted sometimes. In these situations, say something like, "I can see you're busy playing right now; will there be a break in a few minutes when we can talk?" This shows you respect your child's time, and they might model this courtesy after consistently seeing you doing it.

Use repetition

Consider asking your kids to repeat what was said so you know the message was received. This is part of a technique called active listening, where a person's message is important enough to be reinforced by repetition.

Asking your child to repeat a message will also make it easier to remember. Parents should practice active listening themselves to model these skills for their children.

Offer a choice

When giving your child a directive, one helpful technique is to offer them a choice. For instance, instead of saying "put on your pajamas", ask them if they prefer the red pajamas or the blue pajamas.

Doing so empowers kids, making them feel like they have some control over their lives. It also fosters good decision-making skills.

Try gentle physical touch

Enhance communication with gentle physical contact, such as placing your hand on your child's arm, wrapping an arm around them, or gently squeezing their shoulders. Children tend to learn in different ways, and when you use both verbal messages and appropriate touch, you can capture their attention better.

Be consistent

Kids learn best when the messages they receive are consistent, so emphasize clear and constant communication. Your child should know what's expected, and they should always work toward becoming a more active listener.

Reward good listening

To reinforce good listening skills, praise your child or use small rewards. For instance, if you want your child to stop watching television and join you at the dinner table, you might allow them to have another 15 minutes of TV after the meal if they come right away without complaining. Offering an easy reward or incentive can help their listening behavior improve.

Model good communication skills

You show children respect when you listen to their concerns, which makes it easier for them to show respect back. Also, children learn far more from what they see than from what they hear, so make sure you're modeling the behavior you wish to encourage.